Thursday, January 8, 2009

just needing a little sympathy...

so guess what time my husband got home from work last night? 4:19 am. guess what time he left for work this morning? 5:45 am. i am exhausted just thinking about it.

or, maybe i'm exhausted because i didn't get mason to sleep until 11:15 last night, only to have him wake up slightly before midnight, which was just when i was finally able to begin drifting off to sleep. then around 1:15 i hear bennett calling for daddy and when i realized the other side of my bed was vacant, i headed in his room. he was just chillin', with his hands behind his head, kicking his feet, and asked me, "where's daddy, mom?" eyes wide open, not the slightest bit tired. "at work. go to bed." as i am stumbling back to my room, i realize that anthony had predicted it would be an early night of 11:00 quittin' time so should i be worried he wasn't home?

i thought about it as i drifted back to sleep, only to awake a few moments later to anthony's alarm clock. it happens to be one of bennett's favorite toys. he likes to set it for the middle of the night (always the middle of the night, why not during the day?) so i can wake up and bless his precious name as i turn it off.

15 minutes later, bennett's conversation with himself wakes me up and then he's calling for me again. as i head in his room he said, "cover me up, mom?" it would be cute if it weren't so exhausting.

so since i'm up, i figure i should call my husband and make sure he is still alive. he is, of course, so i head back to bed for a 1/2 hour until mason wakes up again.

not sure at what time i finally fell back asleep. i do know i had to wake up another time for mason and another time because my nose is stuffed up and i couldn't breathe. and then of course i was awake when anthony returned home at 4:19 am. we had a couple "laughs" about life and that he was able to get an hour nap before heading back in this morning. of course mason was up at 6 am and so began my day.

as i was staring vacantly at sesame street this morning, waiting for my caffeine to take effect, i was wondering, "will this ever end?" my house is a disaster, the dishes still haven't been washed from last night, the bathrooms haven't been cleaned in almost 2 weeks, my kids need baths and all i want to do is sleep.

later, at the park, as i was swaying in place with my fussy baby, watching ella and bennett shovel sand together, i was reminded again that yes, it will end. sooner than i will want it to. someday my arms will be empty and i will wish my kids would want to snuggle with me or need me for consoling. i will be able to take a nap at any time of the day because my kids will either be off with friends or in their rooms living their own lives and no longer asking me to organize some pathetic looking craft or fill their sippy cups with water.

i guess i just had to remind myself that they need me now. and even though i really like to sleep, it sure is nice to be needed.


aunt gigi said...

Ella and Bennett's cousins would really like them to come visit for a few days. They ask about it almost every day. Bennett and Joshua could hang out in the middle of the night together...

We are very excited to see the fruits of Anthony's labors. I'm sure it's going to be awesome.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie! WOW! You are right on track with your own advice, but there is little consolation that can be given to a physcialy exhausted one but you truly knows the agony at times. In some ways, I feel I can't say I understand because mine were so far apart, but I will testify that when they fix their own bowl of cereal, take their own bath and you aren't lugging around a diaper bag with cheerios at the bottom and a dirty diaper you forgot to throw away you will raise your hands in victory and say THANK YOU JESUS! It gets easier girl...hang in there!
Hopefully Anthony's hours will let up a little bit once this gets going, we are happy for his success!

debby94 said...

Oh my Stephanie! I feel for you. Those kind of nights are horrible. I hope you get some much needed sleep SOON! I love your perspective though. It is hard to remember during the rough times that "this too shall pass", but our babies grow so fast.

Bethany said...

I feel for you Steph!! I only have one, and sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind with the sleep thing. I'm sure when child #2 enters our lives, this will become even more of an issue. It's great to remember the perspective you shared though, and I try to think about that as often as possible. I often throw those desperation prayers out in the week hours of the night, "God pleeeeeeease make my child fall asleep!! Now? Now?" Thanks goodness for caffeine, I'm sure I'm addicted,but I know I'm in good company with every other parent that has children who boycott sleep.

Tonya said...

I really must have needed to read this tonight, just to know that there is someone else out there "feeling my pain" as you said about my own blog!! It made me cry for some reason, sympathy I guess? :)