Wednesday, September 23, 2009

sorrow

(if you came looking for my typical sarcasm and stories of my clever little children, sorry, but today's not the day. check back soon.)

its funny how quickly my mind can rewind 15 or so years... back to high school. fun, carefree times. good friends, great memories.

if only time itself could actually rewind. just a few days.

i lost a very dear high school friend this past weekend. yeah, i haven't even seen him in years, but i still feel a void at his loss. there are some people who make an impression on your life, who touch your heart, who will always be dear to you. he was one of them.

the whirlwind of emotions has been everything from shock to anger, from disbelief to sadness, frustration to confusion... all spinning around and eventually settling back to sorrow. deep, heart breaking sorrow.

grief. its been a hard couple of days. some news is just never, ever welcome.


his death is so tragic and so... well... just not right. its hard to wrap my mind around it. (please forgive me for being slightly cryptic. its not that i'm trying to be. its just that some details don't matter when mourning the loss of someone who made your life a little better just by being in it.)

i think of his family. and i pray earnestly for God to hold them tight in the palm of his hand.

i think of his 2 little kids. to say it really just isn't fair is a vast understatement. and quite truthfully, it isn't simply enough to "think" about them, and "wish them well" and "hope" for the best. (and actually, pardon the boldness here, people, but the same is true for eternity.)

their future has been forever altered. unfortunately, they'll have to heal from this for their entire lives. and amidst my sorrow over the loss of jared, a renewed focus emerges. precious children with their whole lives ahead of them. lives God can use. and i pray earnestly on their behalf that He will do great things in them and through them. and what better way to honor Jared's memory than by focusing my energy on my knees for his children. because God can, and does, do immeasurably more than all we ask or even imagine.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

praying big things for you, kids.

miss you, jared.

6 comments:

Jen said...

Stephanie,

That was very well said. It's strange how you can not see someone for years, not really even know them anymore yet be so affected by their loss. My family is also praying for their children. Good can come from all situations. God Bless, Jeni Gibson Pabst

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. I will be praying for his family and children. God is in control even if it doesn't make sense to us.**Hugs**

Megan O. said...

I love your heart, Stephanie.

Erin said...

Sorrow stinks. Thanks for sharing your heart and being real. His family is blessed to have you as a prayer warrior for them. And you are so right on about eternity...

Mama Kat said...

You gave me goosebumps. I've lost close friends too and it's not easy...you hurt so much, especially for their families. I'm sorry!

debby94 said...

I heard about this horrible tragedy. It's so hard to believe. I have been & will continue to pray for his family and children.