what's with spongebob anyway?

seriously, could there be a more obnoxious children's character?
and my kids are completely obsessed with him.

not that they have ever seen one of his episodes.

they know they can't watch him.

bennett: "mommy, why is spongebob inappropriate?"

ella: "because zoe's mommy said so."

she's right. a few years ago i heard another mom (that i respect) say her kids don't watch spongebob because he's inappropriate. good enough for me.

and that's all the research i need to do on that subject.

but they still ask. and they are still completely mesmerized by this ridiculous, loud, yellow headed thing.

it doesn't help that he is EVERYWHERE.

we'll be roaming through the grocery store and mason will scream, "bob-bob! bob-bob!" (never mind that he still won't say MOMMY! but spongebob, yes.) he's on soup, string cheese, cereal, yogurt, macaroni and cheese, toothpaste... i can't get away.

and he's on mason's toothbrush. he gets so excited, "bob-bob! bob-bob!"recently, at mason's well check, the dr is asking me about mason's developmental milestones. for the most part, the kid is pretty advanced (of course). but when it comes to speech...

the doctor asks, "does he say 4 to 8 words?"

let's see:
1. dada
2. bob-bob
3. didts (translation: this)
4. mommy

"nope."

doctor: "is he able to make his needs known?"

me: "does pointing, flinging his body, banging his head on the floor, and screaming count?" yes, he very much communicates.

(oh, and he does also smile, nod and say please (and airplane!) in sign language. so he isn't always the terrible demon i make him out to be.)

(but in case you stop feeling sorry for me, you must know he is still a handful. and super dramatic. and often emotionally volatile. and if i could pay someone to deal with him everyday after his nap, i totally would.)
but back to spongebob...

every once in awhile, my kids sneak spongebob contraband into a stack of library books. and they get so excited.

and i can't figure out why. among many other reasons, they are totally and completely lame. and i feel as though these books completely insult the intelligence of children everywhere.

(but i will say, raising impressionable preschoolers aside, "nincompoop" is kinda a funny word.)

so the other night, i tell them, again, we can't read the latest spongebob book because it has naughty words in it.

they are disappointed, of course.

why can't they just be content with curious george, the most innocent character on tv?he's a monkey who can't even talk. therefore he isn't disrespectful to his parents, calling people "stupid", getting in sibling fights, dealing with peer pressure, lying, smoking cigarettes...

they do love curious george. i mean, who doesn't.

but they long for spongebob.

but here's the thing: how do they even know what they are missing?

its like my friend christina says, spongebob is the forbidden fruit. they want it even more since they know they can't have it.

hmmm...

i can't possibly relate to this, can i?

i mean... if there is something i know to be bad for me to see/hear/watch on tv/say/participate in, i have absolutely no problem whatsoever.

none.

i am never ever curious or tempted in finding out for myself.

ever.

ahem.

funny what your kids can teach you.

turns out, i just may have "spongebob"-type problems of my own.

and just when i was beginning to think i had it all figured out...