dear bennett,

if it were possible to make time stand still, i would have stopped it long ago.

and again and again and again since then.

how is it possible you are already 4? FOUR!!! that's like a million in dog years. you are growing up way too fast.i love how sensitive you are and how you have the most innocent smile. and how you wish to be invisible when around other people.

that is, if you realize they are looking at you. and if not, you don't mind a bit to be running around with a net on your head swinging sticks in the air and screaming at the top of your lungs (like at church this weekend). i know you'd rather not tell someone your name or even have to say thank you, but its great that you do. you are so polite, even though you don't want any attention on you. well, unless of course we are talking about from me while i'm on the phone or trying to sleep or blog about you turning 4.

then you are persistent.

persistent could mean "annoying."

but not on your birthday...

i love that you still want to be "wocked in the wocking chair" every night. preferably by daddy. but sometimes you settle for me.

and i'm SO proud of you that you have finally conquered the battle to learn to chew with your mouth closed. that's a huge one, buddy. and you have one proud mommy you can thank later when trying to impress the girl of your dreams on your first date. (which, by the way, will be in approximately 30 years.)

and when you walk out of your room in the morning, with your hair standing straight up and your eyes all sleepy, holding your blanket and with your sweet voice you say, "mommy, can you cuddle up with me?" yeah, i really like that too.

i love the sound of your bare feet running down the hallway. and your giggles. and the sound effects you insert into every car, or crashing block tower, and everything else.

i love watching you play at the beach. without a single care in the entire world.
oh, and how you hold the door open for me without even being asked. you're going places in this world, big man.

and i know it wouldn't be good if you did it forever, but just for a little longer can you still say "scunscween" and "weally, weally" and "acswully" and "daddy is my best fwiend. he's the bestest EVER!" and "pweez can we have piddow fight, pwwwweeeezzzz!!!!" and "how many more days until my berfday?" and "suh" (for sure) - you are so agreeable. (this is cute now, the agreeableness. but please grow out of this by your teen years when surrounded by beer and drugs and loose little hussies who will be the death of you.)

i know i sometimes joke (to discreet adults only) that you could possibly be my favorite (a confession (and of course total joke people!) i will come back to delete when your siblings get older and learn to read) but its just because you are really so, so easy. and happy go lucky. (except for when you are tired or hungry and then you are super whiny but that's ok because aren't we all?) sometimes in the midst of *other* people's drama and screaming and meltdowns and strong-willed battles against the world, i glance over and there you are outside jumping after butterflies or building your flying tree house. or digging in the dirt. or you've turned your fork into a catapult or your book into a slide and you are happily minding your own business.

you could quite possibly be the happiest kid in the entire world.

and your love for tomatoes is quite extraordinary. and when you begged me to get green beans at the grocery store... that was pretty funny. and i think its cute that you say your favorite food is salad even though we all know its pizza. i love that curious george still makes you giggle. and that you burst with excitement at the sight of thomas the train or lightning mcqueen or buzz lightyear.
i love that when we get to the park you sprint as fast as you can for the sand and kick your shoes off in any old random direction and play your heart out until its time to go home.

and it completely breaks my heart when you come over to me fighting back tears because some boy was mean to you. because as your mommy, i don't ever want to see your huge heart crushed by this mean ol' world.

and then last week, in the middle of the night when you called out for me and i came running into your room thinking you had a nightmare about "cloudy with a chance of meatballs" (which you dubbed "the scariest movie EVER") and i said, "what's wrong?" and you mumbled into your pillow, "nothing. i just wanted some lovin' from you." i think that is the first time i've ever smiled when being woken up in the middle of the night. it was so precious. (but totally not necessary to do it again or anything.)

and i hope that when you grow up, you will follow your dreams and be someone who "teaches kids their memory verses" and then also, "maybe a mailman." i can't even begin to imagine the joy you'd bring to people's lives each day.
you are refreshing. you love life. you are content. you teach me so much about joy and delighting in the little things. about taking it easy, slowing down and smelling the roses.

happy birthday, my little buddy. may the year of 4 be good to you.