a story...

(this story most likely falls into the category of "you had to be there" but i'm still going to tell it. after all, i need some sort of backdrop to post an obnoxious amount of pictures of my offspring.)

recently, when in arizona, i went up to sedona with my kids for some fun. i love sedona. i really do.

its beautiful.
but boy oh boy, there sure are some nutty people there.

maybe it has something to do with the vortexes, new age crystals and general evilness. who knows.

anyhow...
so i'm taking some pictures of my kids (because i clearly can't have enough...) and this lady walks up to me, and gasps.

with her hand over her heart: "your children are absolutely beautiful!" "oh, thanks. how sweet of you to say so."

"no! really! i mean, reaaaalllllyyyy...." dramatic sigh and then glances back and forth from them to me.

(i tell this dramatically because it was dramatic.)

(and by "it" i mean "she") "um... thanks."

nervous giggle.

"they are striking!"

and she stares intently at me.for awhile. uhhh.....
"this reminds me of a family portrait i saw once..." she closes her eyes and takes a deep, dramatic breath. "the mother," pauses to look at me very intently...

"was wearing a white..."

pauses...

"... very sexy..."

pause...

"negligee." said while sweeping her hands across her, ahem, upper chest area?

(me, trying not to laugh and also resisting the urge to look for the hidden camera...)

"and the children..." closes her eyes again and another deep breath. "the oldest girl was in a beautiful lacy, white nightie..." "and the baby was naked with his precious bottom showing..."

"and all the other children were in various stages of undress."

another sigh.

"it was absolutely beautiful." ummm... did you say family portrait or calendar for perverts and pedophiles?

what followed was a slightly awkward pause where i was supposed to say something but honestly, what do i say to this? so i do the only thing i know to do and apply some sarcastic humor, you know, to lighten the nuttiness.

"well," as i sorta laugh, "think my days of posing that way are behind me." (as if they ever existed.)

shocked, the lady puts her hand on my arm, looks me up and down, and insists, "oh, but you should! it would be beautiful!" right....

now that would make an awesome christmas card this year.

and if by "sexy white negligee" you actually mean "baggy sweatpants"

then its already been done.